Dirty what do you call a

Same here! Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow. Then I went to watch the crocodiles. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup — just happy to be there.

Just all in my experience. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike. I like my downstairs the way it is thank you very much.

Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. You can sleep with a light on.

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? How is being in the military like getting a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. We all love a good laugh, no matter the occasion. But as you get older, the adult funny jokes may be the more appropriate and enjoyable option.

If you are a bit innocent, then you may not know what is to be expected from an adult joke. Expect sexual jokes and offensive humour. Although we will leave the more disgusting and horrible humour to the darker places of the web…. Our best rude jokes can be used in a number of situations and we think they could work perfectly inside a greeting card, a casual joke to your friend or you could even risk it and use some as pickup lines — so, we will let you decide!

As we enter our huge list of funny adult jokes, we would like to warn you of rude language and a lot of sexual innuendos…. A: Because he only comes once a year, and it's down your chimney.

Q: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? A: Chewing gum Q: Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

A: Because Ken came in another box Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute? A: Keep the tip! Q: What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

A: One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt Q: What's the difference between a bag of coke and a baby? A: Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window Q: What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

A: The hockey player takes a shower after three periods. Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: Boo-Bees Q: What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? A: The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take your meat out Q: What do you call an expert fisherman? A: When a guy dumps a load in the washing machine, it doesn't follow him around. Q: What's the worst thing about being a pedophile?

A: Just trying to fit in Q: What's the best thing about a gypsy on her period? A: When you finger her, you get your palm red for free. Q: Who's the biggest hoe in history? A: Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies. Q: Did you hear about the short-sighted Moyle?

A: He got the sack Q: What do you call a cheap circumcism? A: A rip-off Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer? A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. Q: Why is being in the military like a BJ? A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards. Q: What did the letter O say to Q? A: Dude, your junk is hanging out.

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: A trip without the kids! Q: How do you know you have a high sperm count? A: Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Q: What's the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? A: Pimples don't come on a boy's face until they're Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a lesbian? A: One smells like fish and has a moustache, and the other is a walrus. Q: What do priests and McDonalds have in common? A: They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns Q: What do you call crystal clear urine?

A: pee Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: They couldn't close his casket. A: Their last big hit was the wall. Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in the U. A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Q: Whats the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? A: Phelps can finish a race. Q: Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? A: Because he wanted to find a tight seal Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?

A: They don't know where home is. Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to sleep with? A: When you pull her pants down her butt is still in them Q: What do you call an artist with a brown finger?

A: Piccassole Q: What do you call an afghan virgin? A: Never bin laid on Q: Whats 72? A: 69 with three people watching Q: What three words will ruin a man's ego?

A: "Is it in? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: Why do women have orgasms? A: Just another reason to moan, really. Q: How is sex like a game of bridge? A: Your girlfriend makes it hard.

Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What's a adult actress' favorite drink? A: 7 Up in cider. Q: What do you call ball's on your chin? A: A dick in your mouth! Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist?

A: He joined the que que que. Q: What did the penis say to the vagina? A: One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? A: Call and tell her about it.