Why couple separate

The man, who enjoys the city life in a Manhattan penthouse, runs a successful business and has pursued a series of monogamous relationships that fell apart, one by one, when he refused to commit to marriage. He had the perfect excuse: He was not yet divorced from his estranged wife.

For this couple, divorce holds nothing positive. It would erode their joint fortune and diminish the money available to their two children. In the man's case, getting a divorce would only make him available for remarriage, an idea he hardly relishes.

This estranged couple had their relationship formalized in a Separation and Property Settlement Agreement drafted by their attorneys. For them, it was the best route to new and separate lives. As is common, separation can also be the first step along the journey to separate lives. Not quite permanent or irrevocable, separation enables the two individuals to get a taste of what it would be like to exist apart — to manage separate households, separate finances and separate selves.

Though separation isn't always the first step toward divorce, it often ends up as just that. If you enter separation believing it's just what you need to heal your marriage, you may be kidding yourself.

The best way to work out marital problems is usually under one roof. Most of the time, separation is a preamble to divorce — even if that was not the original intent. A Dallas couple we know opted for a long-distance relationship as a means of gaining perspective. The decision to separate was facilitated when the woman was offered a job in Des Moines. Unfortunately, her husband began feeling so resentful when she actually left that, ultimately, he could not accept her back into his life.

He felt this way despite the fact that he was the one who had encouraged her to leave in the first place. Another example involves a woman who married the first boyfriend she ever had right after college.

As the marriage went on, he became increasingly critical and angry. Psychological abuse is the term that comes to mind. In some circumstances, one of the members of the couple loses hope, but the other member believes that the relationship can be improved and saved.

In those cases, a few sessions of discernment counseling can help. These reasons operate like risk factors that affect couples negatively.

Couples who have these risk factors are advised to pay attention to how they navigate their relationship. They can seek individual or couples counseling to reduce risk. There is a correlation between individual risk factors and relationship problems. The more risk factors, the more potential for relationship problems. Now you know the main reasons why couples break up—and how there is hope for repair.

It may take a bit more time—and it may require both individual and couples counseling —but with commitment to, and a plan for, change, your relationship can thrive. For instance, if one of you prefers to save while the others love to shop, then this could be a problem.

Such an issue can be solved by coming up with such a financial plan that allocates a specific sum of money to both individuals joined in holy matrimony.

One other reason for separation is the lack of effort put into strengthening the relationship. Lack of effort only points at one thing; you are no longer interested which can ultimately lead to divorce. Just like you put in the effort to plan your wedding, you also need to put in the effort to maintain the relationship continuously after the marriage.

The easiest solution for this is to spend more time together. There can be many reasons for this; hectic schedules, financial pressures, etc. So, take out time to go on vacations and dates together.

The important thing is to give attention to your spouse , and showing that you care. Even an in-house dinner date can work wonders for a couple. In the end, remember that you married your spouse for particular reasons.

Take Course. Marriage Advice. Marriage Quizzes Marriage Quotes Videos. Find a Therapist. Read on to see why eight people chose to stay legally married to their spouses instead of getting divorced. Some subjects interviewed were given permission to remain anonymous or use only their first name in order to protect their anonymity. Alicia, 46, and her husband separated in Over the years, their reason for staying married has evolved, she told Insider. Initially, she went to a lawyer to pay for her half of the divorce, but her husband would not return her calls or the lawyer's.

And for me, this was important enough to remain married to a man that I did not want to be married to anymore. One year-old man, who chose to remain anonymous, has been separated from his wife for almost four years. Initially, it was a trial separation, but when reconciliation didn't seem possible, they started to entertain the idea of divorce, he told Business Insider. Will divorce be inevitable? I have no idea, but for now this works for us and that's the best either of us can hope for, given the circumstances.

In about a year and a half, the fixed rate on the mortgage will end, he said, and he should be able to take it under his own name. He and his wife will also then go to Spain to finalize any paperwork and formally divorce.

Keith, 53, and his wife separated in